I hated God. I didn't want anything to do with Him.
I had been taught that if we sinned, it made God mad. I was daring God to get mad at me. 'Go ahead God! Punish me!!'
Needless to say, I survived. I came through the other side, not completely untouched, but completely forgiven.
Guess what? No matter what I had done, I was still loved! I came back to God, and church and had to start over with my religious foundation. I had to un-learn all I had been taught growing up, and re-learn Christ's way. I had to learn that it was okay for me to have my own opinion. It was okay for me to disagree with something I didn't think was right based on my own convictions, and not just because I was told to. I had to learn how to love without being judgmental. To accept people with different convictions than mine. To help others because I wanted to, not because it was my 'duty'.
I was confronted with a 'blast from the past' recently, and it made me realize how far I've come. I am thankful for the forgiveness, love, and acceptance of Christ.
I'll admit, it's hard. I feel myself becoming that same judgemental, bitter person. I have to be careful not to get a 'holier than thou' feeling. I struggle with gossip. I struggle with comparing myself to others instead of Christ. I'm not perfect, but my God is!