The past creeps in

On Sunday at Church something interesting happened. It was a normal Sunday: Go early, help set up, chase The Girl, feed The Boy, sing, fellowship, then the message. Except something happened during the message. Our normal Pastor wasn't preaching. The man who did preach had a different style from our Pastor, and it triggered something.
 I grew up in a Independent Fundamental Baptist Church, and while there were rules at church, there were even more at home. While people who went to the same Church as me might disagree, they didn't live at my house, so my life was definitely different than theirs. I lived in fear every day that I wasn't really going to heaven because I was wicked. I was terrified I was going to be killed because of some broken rule (the wages of sin is death, after all) I never knew if what I was doing, or what I was saying would be breaking a rule.
I gave that bit of background to get to my point. The preaching on Sunday: While I'm sure it was a lovely message (it was about giving your all for God, and helping others while they give) (at least I think that was the gist of it) it gave me flashbacks of when I was growing up. All I could think was 'I have to prove my love for God by giving, and if I don't give everything, I never really loved Him' I shut down. I don't want to do that. So I tried to listen some more, and just felt sick. With every point being made, I just kept hearing 'you're not good enough, you're not worthy, you never loved God' I had to leave the service. I hate that. I hate that what was probably a perfectly good message was a trigger from my past. I have been praying about this, and no answers yet. I hate waiting. I'm not a patient person!!