Angel Birthdays

Today is my niece's 19th birthday. I remember the call, and feeling jealous because today is also my sisters birthday, and how cool would it be to share a birthday with my niece? Then I remember feeling guilty because she was born so early. So tiny. So sick. I remember the race to Alabama, and how I never saw my Dad so determined to get there as quickly as possible. I remember when we got there seeing my brother and Dad hug for what seemed to be forever, and seeing both of them cry for the first time that I can remember except for when my Mom died. I remember seeing her tiny, perfect body, and thinking she looked just like a porcelain doll. My Dad kept saying she looked like me. I tried hard to imagine myself that small. I remember thinking Why? Why would God allow such an innocent be taken from us so young?How was this fair?
Fast forward to now. My brother and sister in law have 4 more children. They are awesome, smart, handsome, beautiful, wonderful kids. I hope mine grow up to be just like them. I still don't know why God chose to make Brittany sick, or why he chose to take her from this earth, but I think I appreciate the babies in the family that got to stay here on earth more. I can't imagine what it's like to carry a baby and feel it grow and move, and then give birth only to be told that you need to say goodbye. I do know the loss of a baby, but I lost my babies almost as soon as I knew they existed. The hurt is still there, the empty arms are still there, but I know it's different.
Today I'll hug my babies a little closer, and think of my family, and remember how perfect my niece was, and pray for the next few days to go by as pain free as possible for my family as they remember the birthday of their angel, and her short few days here on the earth.